A Handy Guide to Dealing with Non-Sports Fans

The most frustrating thing in the entire world is to be a sports fan trapped among non-sports fans.

Imagine this scenario: You happen to be with your guy friend, discussing the difficulties of beginning a courtship. You make a quick remark about making sure your friend doesn’t send the lucky lady a picture of himself in Crocs.


Aaaaannnnnddddd cue blank stare. 


You then begin to explain the whole Brett Favre sexting controversy, only to have your friend respond:
"Wait, is that the guy who plays for the Packers?"


You then hastily change the subject, trying to resist the urge to crawl into the nearest corner and weep.

Welcome to my life. 


Rarely does a day goes by without some sort of sports reference creating an awkward space in a conversation, or a blank stare at the latest news from the trade deadline. It's tough, because generally my friends are really fun intelligent people - they just happen to not like sports.


Using my vast experience dealing with the unenlightened, I've created a handy-dandy guide to dealing with the three most common types of the non-sports fan.

Type 1: Unaware - This type of person generally just doesn't know the rules of a sport. Maybe they're a massive baseball fan, but have never watched NASCAR in their life. Maybe they understand the basics, but don't understand what that trapezoid behind the goal is. Generally these people are willing to learn the rules of the game, and probably have the capacity to be a good sports fan. If you happen to come across one of these people - help them out! You weren't born from the womb knowing what a screen pass is - everyone has to learn sometime. And, come on, it gives you a chance to ramble about sports - what fan doesn't want that?

Type 2: Hopeless - They just don't get it. No matter how many times you explain what a quarterback is, and how many points a touchdown earns, they just don't understand. 


Maybe it's a refusal to learn. Maybe they don't actually care because they only came to watch because their boyfriend said there'd be food. Maybe their brain capacity is only slightly larger than a walnut. Regardless of the reason, if you encounter one of these people, try to restrain your inevitable anger after they ask for the twentieth time what a foul shot is. 


And stop trying to explain. It won't help. 


Just ignore them and devote your energy to something useful, like yelling at referees. They'll be more likely to listen.

Type 3: Aggressive - These guys don't like sports. They think sports are stupid, and therefore all people who find them even moderately entertaining are stupid as well. They will generally go out of their way to tell you about these views, commonly making comments like, "I'd much rather play the game than watch" or "I have better things to do with my life than watch something this stupid for three hours." 


There are two ways to deal with these types. One is to take the high road and ignore them, and remain confident in your love for sports. The other way is to engage them in an open discussion about the meaning of sports and sports media in this day and age, and the overall effects of sports on society.


Or you can always just throw a quick left hook when they start chirping you a la Brent Johnson. That's generally how I handle it.

There are many variations on these types of non-sports fans, but hopefully these tips will help the next time you encounter someone who has not been enlightened to the wonders of sports.

A college football playoff would be fun

The system is broken. Fans know this. Colleges know this. 

I was inspired to write this column with today’s release of Death to the BCS by Dan Wetzel, Josh Peter and Jeff Passan of Yahoo! Sports. The book outlines a 16-team playoff that would become the new postseason. While not the first to look at a playoff system (http://bcsplayoff.org/maintaining_season_length

), it is a very coherent look at the current bowl failures and how a new system would be implemented.

In this system, 11 conference champions would be admitted, with 5 at-large teams rounding out the line up. Games would be hosted at the home stadium of higher seeded teams until the

Let’s plug in current conference leaders (selective choices made for conferences with two divisions and for wild cards):

ACC: Virginia Tech
Big East: Syracuse
Big Ten: Ohio State
Big Twelve: Nebraska
Conference USA: Southern Methodist
MAC: Northern Illinois
Mountain West: TCU
Pacific-10: Oregon
Southeastern: LSU
Sun Belt: Troy
Western Athletic: Boise State

Wild cards
-Alabama
-Michigan State
-Oklahoma
-Auburn
-South Carolina
-Oklahoma State

There are a lot of good teams in this mix, and I guarantee each of those above games are terrific. While there would be complaints from teams on the edge, I feel much less sympathy for a 3 or 4-loss squad cut from the playoff than an undefeated team with no shot for the title.

There is no reason D-IA football cannot adopt this type of structure. D-IAA, D-II, and D-III football each host these type of competitions. If athletes from small schools can handle these schedules, it can be brought to the big level.

The Virginia Tech benefit

It would be silly to think of a playoff without looking at the prospect of the impact of Virginia Tech. Long story short, I think we would still be in good shape to make a playoff run.

Noting Tech is one of only two teams currently holding streaks of 10 win seasons (with Texas), it would appear Blacksburg would be a playoff spot.

Where we might struggle is our seeding. Given our ability to lose in must-win (or should-win games) like our recent defeat to James Madison University, there’s a good chance we would drop seed if we entered a tournament on a low note, and make it difficult to enter on a wild card basis.

Tech would also have to deal with an overall weaker ACC impacting the overall conference scales. I’m sure frustration will be high when a strong playing Hokie (or Hurricane or Yellow Jacket) squad qualifies but is seeded low with lousy play from their conference rivals.

Even if Tech did not get into the playoff, the positive news is with the playoff system, the current lower end bowls would still have a place in the system. Even if we were not selected for the big dance, our fan base would still travel in number necessary to make a bowl run viable. The Chick-fil-a and Gator Bowls would still be there for us.

The move from the BCS to a playoff is the right move.

Time for a leap of faith.

-Gordon